Getting ready

[MatariChan]

Yes, well as few of us know (That would be..... me, Tor, Jing, and possibly LadyInWhite) I'm well due to have a baby.
This event will be happening in about 9 more weeks. Yes, it's quite a while to wait, and I'm none to joyed to having it either, since I'll be giving it away soon after its born.

[Azrael]

A baby? I've never given birth of course, but any mother would tell you that parting from your child is extremely difficult, even if you've only had it for a short while. I wish you luck in all- have a happy birth- and be strong!

[Krescen]

Let me guess, since you are only 19, you were told that you could not afford it. It will be a lot for you to prepare for, but I think you have more people telling you this then me, and one of those people has been following you for several months now no matter where you go. >.x

That will put you at a quite interesting Christmas. >.> You may wish to be prepared to be unavailable for most of December and a few days into January. Getting past the depression which will result after giving him/her away will take some time, and there will be much stress and planning before then as well. After all, if you can not claim parenthood, then the best you can do is guarantee finding the best alternative possible.

And, I'm going to stop before I get affected by further details. >.x

[MatariChan]

oh, Krescen I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset or anything.
The reason I need to give it up is because I won't be able to give it the attention it needs. I might be able to afford the expenses with the help of WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) but I haven't heard back from them in a while >.>
I just more or less wanted everyone to know that this was an event that was happening in the near future, and I might not be available for quite a few months, so I might be willing to let someone take my place with my characters (keep em alive and whatnot)

Once more I apologize to you Krescen, I can't making people sad.

[Krescen]

I'm okay, the issue is none to your fault, feel free to claim innocence. I already figured it was all that age complication issue, and knew basically what was going on.

Feel free to take longer then what I expressed as time away. I was saying the minimum. While I'm not sure if anyone could/should command your characters in your absence, said absence will be completely understood.

>.x Just touch base every so often so we know you didn't commit suicide or something (which does happen to 'mothers' in this situation >.<)

>.x Again though, there is little which I should say before I get affected by it. Distractions between posts and paragraphs only go so far. But please don't worry about this, shall we call it a "condition". It's your wellbeing which people should be worried about, my issues are of little consequence.

[Solstice]

o.o congradulations.
You married yet?
My GF and I are planning to make an embryo (just so I can sound smart XD) about 3 months after we get married. No I have not proposed to her yet nor does she know i will be but shes been constantly nagging she wants a baby girl.

So matari is it a boy or a girl? The joy of birth is something I witnessed about 4 times now. My baby cousing, Natalie, who is turning 3 in Thanksgiving is catching on very quickly. Shes known how to walk and say the alphabet since she was 1 and now she learned her 2nd alphabet, the one in armenian.

Excuse me for saying it, Im just saying it because I do not know if it is a guy or girl.

[Krescen]

>.x Soul, now your making her feel bad. She will NOT get to keep the child, she will be giving him/her away. The best she will be able to do is maybe visit every so often.

[Solstice]

Oh god Im sorry I did not see that. Ill edit it out.
But why are you giving it away?

[Krescen]

>.> Read up. I understood her situation, not sure why you don't. Even though you are both the same age, too. She is handling it quite responsibly in my opinion.

[MatariChan]

It's OK FlyFFsoul. I've come to terms with this fact, but the actual event might be a bit more distressing than that of what I want it to be.
Just so everybody know it's going to be a girl.

[NavMan]

I don't understand, if you might be able to afford the expenses then why give the child away? Do you go to college or something, and think you won't have enough time for her? Don't you have any family members to support you? And, forgive my nosiness, but what about the father?

Of course, you don't have to answer any of these questions as its none of my business. I just want to know if you've gone through all the possible scenario's before you came to the decision of putting her up for adoption.

[MatariChan]

Indeed NavMan I have. My parents can't afford another child and they couldn't use my WIC book without me being there (It's government funded so imagine that) and yes, I go to school, and I'd prefer not to have my educational needs disturbed by the child, or anyone else's for that matter. The father left, because he broke up with me.... T_T

[Krescen]

>.x As I thought.. I imagine that already the food & clothing costs are starting to show a difference, as well as having a large impact at school. Such would only be due to get worse multi-fold.

<.< Since you had never mentioned the father, I knew that part as well. It was never 'us' it was 'me'. My advice here is to consider the outcomes of this for the future events, so you don't have to give another child up for adoption. Even when you think you could support the child all on your own, it would not be worth ruining your life over. Much better to find the right situation that makes you happy, if you catch my implied meaning.

I do believe that you can still force him to pay for his own child, even after you have broken up. Such would only repair the financial side though, you would still have your schedule filled by it.

My original idea still stands though. Do you know if you can have any accommodations to visit her? Such might make things easier. How long after birth are you planning to give her up for adoption, will you be spending at least a few days being a mother?

[MatariChan]

Of course I don't have accomodations to visit her yet, unless you mean on Saturdays and the like while she's still at the adoption agency, then yes. But if she gets taken across the country or anywhere outside of my home town, then no. By the time I'll be able to do something along those lines, she'll be too old.

A few days, maybe a week at the most.

[Krescen]

You could ask them if they could send you photos. If not, I recommend taking many during that 'week'.

It's times like this where 'international local call' policies hold more value. With such, when she is 3-4, you could call her, even if she moved to the other side of the country. Emailing photos shouldn't be hard either. >.x

I know little about adoption agencies though, as since I haven't been in any situation where me or someone I know requires one, even remotely close to most of the extent.

[LadyInWhite]

I think you mentioned something like this but I'm very forgetful.

Has anyone asked you if you want to have an open adoption? Where you already have a family picked out and they let you see her every so often and she knows your her birth mother but the adopted mother is her "real" mother? And the family that takes her can keep you updated on how shes doing and such without you being an active part in her life. More like an aquaintance?

I'm in no position to raise any children either right now so I can only imagine what your going through. I don't think I could be as brave as you are and go through with the birth and adoption. I'd either terminate or keep it. It's a shame that noone you know can take her till your ready to care for her yourself. Too many young women in today's society are forced to make such a decision.

Your ex is a real jerk for leaving you. Did you at least have friends and family who can take care of you when your so far gone that you can't move? I wish I could help you, I really do. Let me know if there's anything I can do, Matari. >.<

[MatariChan]

Yes, well, that's to be discussed when and ( more importantly) if she gets adopted, after all I COULD just keep visiting her IF she stayed at the adoption agency (Though she probably won't)

The main reason I said a week is because I don't want to get too attached to her, if I do I'll only end up being unable to let her be taken away. (Even now I seem to be reconsidering the adoption agency, which I shouldn't >.> )

[LadyInWhite]

Will they let you breastfeed while shes there? The first weeks worth of milk is very important for a newborn and if its from the birthmother it's even better. Although I guess you'd bond a lot that way unless you pumped. Did anyone from the adoption agency discuss any of this with you?

If shes healthy and *coughwhitecough* she'll probably get scooped up pretty fast. Afterall the 500 000+ kids in the US adoption system right now are all older minorties and probably have disabilities.

[Krescen]

The body chemically builds a 'friendship' with all parts it classifies as friendly. To it, anything is either friend or foe, with Foes being things it fights off and friends being things it works with.

Considering this, the body has obviously classified her as 'friend' after being inside you for so long. Now consider, if your arm is taken from you, does your body not strongly (VERY STRONGLY) respond in complaint against it? The arm is also classified as a 'friend'. With such a chemical bond, obviously your mind wishes to never part with her. This still does go two ways though.

Before going further, I think I must have snapped something mentally, and saying anything further is going to have a serious affect on me. I have no idea why I'm about to hurt myself continuing. >.x I will not explain how either the following + previous has a serious impact on myself in a forum area which is publicly readable, but if anyone is interested in the details, using any private form of communication, this would be a good opportunity. Matari & one other person (who I won't name) both may find value in this information, but I'm not going to give it without explicit requests. There are other reasons why this overall topic has an effect on me, but those go even deeper and I will not discuss them to anyone. The two specifics however are much less 'self-defended'.

An important thing to consider, which is always a chance but is apperently more-so for young mothers, is stillborn. Going through stillborn, which might seem like a solution, could have serious repercussions on yourself. It is like an abortion, but with tremendously more depression because you didn't make the choice, it was stolen from you. Some girls can get suicidal after a stillborn even when they were fine before it. A child can go stillborn anytime before a successful birth. The depression is clearly caused due to the previous chemical bond, and as such you will have no defense against it. Make sure you are STRONGLY prepared for this.

[LadyInWhite]

Uh, I'm assuming since Matari knows the gender and such that she get's check-ups reguarly and knows if there are any complications. And considering shes talking about adoption it's a healthy pregnancy.

I'm sure she has thought about this long and hard probably for the past few months ever since she found out she is pregnant and knows exactly what to expect before and after. But I'll let her say it herself I don't want to assume things that aren't correct.

*pets Kres because he seems very sad about this topic*

[Krescen]

Meh, I have my own reasons to be paranoid, all stacked one atop the other. >.x If such could help someone else in the case of any problems, it's worth it. Besides, birth is such a complicated science, predictions are difficult. No harm being careful. >.x

[MatariChan]

For Lady's first question, I'd say that the first week that I'll be having with her, on my own, as in not with the agency, will be the most bonding we'll get to do. Such is the time not to think of her as my child, and more of someone else's, since after that time I'm unsure of who will have her. Since she's not born yet, I haven't talked with any adoption agencies, but I was planning on doing so soon, (Apparently I should do so right after I visit my father today)
Don't worry about me, I've got plans, just not everything's been worked out yet, which kinda sucks, but with Father in the hospital (due to an on-the-job accident) there's not always enough room or time for everyone. While I know that I need help moving around (which is why some of my friends have been late to class lately) I still need to remember not to rely on everyone else, I'm still me, and I can still do SOMEthings, just not as much as before.

I feel like I've done wrong to you Krescen, yet you told me to claim innocence, well I can't I made this thread, and therefore it's MY fault if you get into memories that should remain forgotten, of this I have no doubts.

[Krescen]

I think you still get to name her though, but the new parents hold the right to rename her if they wish. Got any plans for that?

The best way to consider things is, after she is born, you are her big sister. The age difference complies well with that. Such a mental perspective acknowledges all your bonding requirements while still saying that she is more the responsibility of another. If you are fortunate, you may hear from her when she is older and you could play that role, which could be considered a strong friendship.

Also, regarding me, simply compare these two quotes, which you said right one after the other:

While I know that I need help moving around (which is why some of my friends have been late to class lately) I still need to remember not to rely on everyone else, I'm still me, and I can still do SOMEthings, just not as much as before.

I feel like I've done wrong to you Krescen, yet you told me to claim innocence, well I can't I made this thread, and therefore it's MY fault if you get into memories that should remain forgotten, of this I have no doubts.

I may have my own mental weight to carry, but I'm still me, and I still like to help, even if I have issues doing such. I can't rely on you to make exceptions for me, especially for such a vital matter.

Seeing as you have not requested such information that I offered earlier, I'm guessing you don't wish to hold value to it. Such is your right.

[Jingli]

Yeah I think I remember you telling me a little about this. You can't have another family member other than your mom and dad take it into custody? If not then i'm sure a good family will come along and take care of her. At least you get to visit her on visiting hours. You did the right thing. ^_^

[NavMan]

You should come to Australia. For every baby that's born, the mother get $5000.

[MatariChan]

Nope, I'm kinda winging this whole thing Krescen XD
Seriously though, not really. If they change her name, then I suppose I could always request to hear what it is, or something along those lines.

@Jing, Yes, I suppose my grandmother could, IF she didn't have the unable to see, unable to do anything but sleep grandfather in her house. (Grandpa has alzheimers and continously forgets where he is, or what he's doing, or even those who are around him, plus catarachts in his eyes so he can't see either >.> ) The rest of my family basically hates us, even if they don't outright say it, it's been clear from a few Christmas' ago. (Trust me, I decided not to eat last Thanksgiving, and, well let's just say my immediate family were the only people there to cheer me up after the verbal smackdown from everyone except Grandma. )

For the quotes, I wasn't referring to you Krescen in the first one, I was referring to my family members, and those that around me everyday.
The second one, I suppose it's because I value everyone that I try to make friends with, or that makes friends with me. I don't know, maybe it's because I was trying to save my own rear end from a barrage of insultings? Also, I didn't want to make you remember things that caused you grief, I don't wish that for anyone, and if you needed someone to blame it would be me. (Taking responsibility? I dunno. I more or less felt like it needed to be said even though you seem fine)

@NavMan, yes, now you just need to wire me some money ^_^

[Krescen]

The quotes were a comparison, as can be noted right after both quotes where I mentioned a line similar to what you had said about yourself. The first quote you said about yourself, the second quote you don't let me say the same thing about myself as you do yourself. I know you are trying to hold concern for me, which is nice and all, but I shouldn't be getting any special treatment, especially in light of your own issue. It is to the same extent that I can blame you for nothing, and even if you don't claim innocence yourself, I'm giving you it anyways. >.x

<.< Barrage of "don't worry"-s clearly, but I have no inspiration to pull and toss insults your way. Don't worry (>.> see, another one).

I've been giving you that same value you are trying to give me. Your situation requires more attention, though, as mine I've lived with my whole life anyways. You have your own responsibilities to worry about without dealing with such unnecessary burdens. >.x

Yes, I'm feeling better because that other person I mentioned earlier I got to talk to regarding the issue (did it on IRC instead of PM). Easier to get past such issues when you have someone who understands what is going on. >.x

[MatariChan]

Awww, thanks Krescen, sorry I can't get on IRC, dial-up at home I'm sure would screw stuff up. I suppose I can try on my computer when I go Coffee Works tomorrow, but I don't give out a guarantee.

You've really said a lot of helpful things Krescen, I appreciate what you've said. It helps more than what you'll (most likely) ever know.

Also, if you feel like P.M.ing that stuff or whatever I never had a problem with it, I just fear that I'll not get to it in time due to me having to go home, and then not being able to get on the internet. Which is the main reason why I didn't ask for it. :/ maybe I should have.... it's your decision now though.

[Krescen]

IRC has been built to be so network easy (which is why it is nearly only text) that I doubt it is unfriendly to dial up. It takes less network resources then visiting a web page. I would recommend giving it a try, since otherwise you wouldn't know. Besides, since you need to PM me your registered irc name, it would be easiest to at least do that first before you go to that public computer. (Public Computers usually can not access IRC as well).

Glad I could be of help. My situation has been 'special' enough that I might know most of how much it helps, what I know already is enough to have made me wish to help with such as is.